This isn’t the first time I have had a crush—life is a revolving door of attractions and detachments. I know what they normally feel like, I think. Eventually my feelings for each one slip away like summer cooling into winter, and I forget how I felt about them before the next replacement comes. However, I know when there are special crushes too. At least, I hope I do.
There are rare crushes whose words are like reading your favorite novel and finding a new truth that fits with your experiences. Instead of showing how exotic or interesting they are, their words tell you that in spite of all your differences, they are just like you. The stories, jokes, and kindnesses build them a little castle, and you are left looking up at them wondering how you could ever create your own to convince them that you are at the same level.
You want to show that you are worthy of them, and yet for one of the first times in your life, you wonder if you are good enough. They are wonderful for all the reasons you want to be wonderful, as if you both had the same rubric but they are consistently rating higher than you.
There is something about them that resonates in you and makes you realize that all the other songs you have listened to were a quarter step off, and this is finally in tune. Now you just need to get your own voice to work, to make words that are meant to finally say who you are. You don’t need to impress, you know that if you are simply you, everything will fall into place.
Yet, you worry that your inability to speak is a sign that perhaps you are not suited for each another; after all, if you two are so in sync it should not be difficult to simply have a conversation. It should be effortless, shouldn’t it?
Perhaps we call them crushes because the dreams, expectations, and feelings we connect with them are so easily crushed and ground into dust. In the end, you say nothing, do nothing, and watch them silently slip away.
There is no "the one" only a few rare ones.