I used to try to help them. I would formulate plans for them to follow so that they could work on whatever I deemed necessary and even offered to follow the plan as well, so they had support. When these attempts were inevitably unsuccessful, I became frustrated and heart broken. Eventually, I gave up on trying to help them and decided to just show them how much I love them despite their flaws and encourage them to love who they are. Choosing to yield changed my life and my relationships.
By trying to change my loved ones, I gave the impression that they were were less-than, which would drive them to rely on their coping mechanisms even more. I was doing more harm than good.
I still get these urges, but I am reminded of a quote from Mother Teresa that I once heard in which she basically says "God help those who have the arrogance to help others." I found this particularly insightful because we often become so caught up in pointing out the flaws in others that we stop seeing our own faults (and I have so many). If I step back and think about it, perhaps my obsession with trying to change people was what other people wanted to change about me.
Instead of trying to fix other people, I should put all that energy into fixing myself. It's okay to help people, but just as we need to choose our battles, we should learn when to help and when to mind our own business.
Trying to fix myself,